Thursday, February 18, 2010

Don't Text in your Screenplay

The only reason we like texting in real life is because it's a good way to avoid talking to someone that we don't want to talk to. We don't have to pick up the phone or call that annoying friend/relative/associate and that is awesome! No confrontation, no awkwardness, no conflict..

Texts are awesome...right?!??!!?

Not in your screenplay, douche.

You WANT conflict. As much as possible. So why avoid it? If Dick and Jane are in bed together, and Dick can just TEXT his mistress about the awesome and experimental sex they had earlier in the toolshed, Jane probably won't have any idea what's going on, and it's really easy to cover up.

But imagine this...

INT. THE BEDROOM - NIGHT

Dick and Jane read in bed. Dick eyes the clock impatiently. He swings one leg over the bed carefully.

JANE
Where are you going?

DICK
Bathroom.

JANE
You just went.

DICK
My stomach hurts.

JANE
I'll make another appointment with the gastrointestinal guy.

DICK
Jane, please no. He...makes me uncomfortable.

JANE
We'll get to the bottom of this. Pun intended.

Dick sighs and slinks into the bathroom. Jane turns her attention back to her book.

DICK (O.S.)
(under his breath)
I know. So good. It felt so good.

JANE
Good, sweetheart. Let it all out.

DICK (O.S.)
Yes, pumpkin. Oh...no...yes...yes. No you.

JANE
When did you have pumpkin?

Jane stands with her ear to the door.

DICK
No. I love you pooh bear.

JANE
Dick...? Are you talking to...?

Jane edges the door open. Pokes her head in. Sees Dick standing in front of the mirror, nervously chattering into his cell phone.

She grabs the hairspray and blasts him mace style in the face. Dick grabs his face, stumbles, falls, and knocks his head on the bathtub.

Dick dies. Jane picks up the cell.

JANE
I'm comin' for you next...bitch!


See! If Dick was texting...none of this could have happened. At most, a little suspicious "what are you doing? who are you texting?" might have come up, but that's not dramatic. PLUS. Nothing is more of a buzz kill on the big screen than a 20 x 20 image of a blackberry screen "U R SO SEXI LUV U. CAN'T WAIT 2 C U L8ER BABEZ!"

Always be as cinematic as possible! Never text!

The end.

Love always,
D/J

2 comments:

Jonathan K said...

Also, in this situation, it would make more sense to call than to text. You wouldn't want evidence of your conversation.

scripted wit said...

ahah, great point. texts are way more incriminating as evidence.

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